|Posted by email@example.com on April 24, 2018 at 5:30 AM|
When you are a domestic abuse victims and/or your children have been abused or at risk, you need to be aware that if the father of your children takes you to court for contact time, you will be entering a world that is the oppose it everything we understand to be right, kind, caring and thoughtful. You are entering a world where any belief you had that we live in a free country, will be wiped out completely.
Your ex may be a narcissist, sociopath or have some other disorder. You know they are abusive and manipulative. You expected the professionals to know and understand this and to be able to see the behaviour of continuing abuse. Sadly this is far from the truth. Family court professionals have little or no understanding of abusive type disorders or the dynamics of domestic abuse, or the fact that children rarely lie about abuse. Its is also a well known fact that many professionals will also have a disordered, controlling personality, which is why they chose the job.
Men who are abusive to women are far more likely to be abusive to children. Sadly family court beliefs say that the abuse is a relationship problem and most will not accept the father is a danger to the children.They believe contact with a father is beneficial, whatever his behaviour, when in fact this contact will, at the very least, impede the childs recovery from witnessing abuse or put them in danger of coercive and manipulative behaviour the children will find difficult to voice.
Most perpetrators will appear calm, rational, even likeable. This is the personality of the disordered personality. They are great actors and do not feel the same emotions as normal people. While the mother is emotionally beaten down, afraid, anxious-and this increases over time as a nightmare unfolds through the court process- the father will be fooling all the professionals. Finding they support the father, even ignoring bad behaviour, they will become more emboldened and entitled. They demand residence and then they discover a tactic that will cause the most pain to the person who dared to reject them and report their abuse...parental alienation. This is a tactic that has been used since the 1980s as 'parental alienation syndrome' or in legalese, 'implacably hostile'. It was a theory invented by Richard Gardner who believed most mothers are lying about abuse. Based on the behaviour of a mother trying to protect her children, he created a syndrome which traps mothers and children into a catch 22 cycle. It has been discredited as unscientific and since then others have attempted to develop theories of parental alienation but failed to do this safely. None of these theories are properly researched and many recommend taking children away when they or the mother report abuse, and giving them to their abuser. There is no thought or understanding of the trauma this causes children.
Talk about abuse and you are alienating, and your children will be forced into contact or residence with the abuser. Don't talk and he will have contact but at least it will 'only' be part time. This is the choice of mothers entering family courts in 2018.