Mothers Unite UK

Domestic and child abuse in Family Court


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Judge Sir James Munby replies to our Report

Posted by on February 16, 2018 at 9:05 PM

We wrote to James Munby and enclosed our report. This is his repy to our 20 page report which can be found here

Thank you for the attached letter addressed to the President of the Family Division.

The President is in close touch with Women’s Aid on the issues you have raised. It is, however, worth remembering that, tragically, children are also killed by mothers and not just by fathers.

The President thanks you for writing and sharing your views.

Kind Regards

Office of the President of the Family Division | Judicial Office | Royal Courts of Justice | Strand | London WC2A 2LL |

Our reply

Dear Mr Barford,

Thankyou for your reply.

Our twenty page report is not about deaths only but about the suffering of live children and the fact that victims of abuse are being accused of lying or having delusions, and that abuse is not taken seriously by family courts. This usually effects mothers (though we are aware of a few father accused of lying) because of the beliefs stemming partly from 'parental alienation syndrome' which blames and accuses mothers only, and the institutional culture of court professionals believing most mothers lie. This means many thousands of children are now being put into unsafe and frightening situations with abusive fathers, or even living with them. The fact that this is happening and so often is horrendous.

The report is not about views so much as experience.

We are in touch with Womens Aid but they are not a mothers group, so it appears mothers are being excluded from consultations, despite the majority effected being women (and children). Yet a fathers rights group is being included.

It is disappointing that a group of 500+ is being invalidated by the 'whataboutme' scenario.

We hope that some consideration will be given to listening to mothers within the talks on change (none of which is making any difference on the ground). Meanwhile we are developing our own strategies in a system that is unable to offer transparency or humanity.

How a narcissist tests you

Posted by on January 11, 2018 at 7:55 PM

In the beginning a narc will test your qualities, like empathy, tolerance, unconditional love. Then will look at your good career, education, money, assets, social position, friends. This is the Supply you provide.

Next will come the love bombing, showing how much they 'love' you, that you are the centre of their universe, how much they care about you. This usually lasts for about three to six months. They are not normally able to sustain the mask, the fake image they present will start to fall for longer than this.

Next, you are feeding them as their supply and they will start to test how much you can take. There may be a huge change or it could be gradual.They may have been presenting as a victim. The abuse will start but they have an excuse. Stress, life events, anything to evoke your empathy. They will say they are sorry, be very apologetic and say it will never happen again.They will be nice, then nasty, creating confusion in your mind.

This stage might be gradual. There will be put downs, making you doubt yourself, gaslighting, crazymaking. You will be confused and think you are going crazy. The narc is not normal, they are never committed to a relationship and all the time they are taking your energy, who you are, everything you believe. They are draining your soul.

At this stage they may move on but they may continue the testing with more gaslighting, cheating, lying, denying, pretending a drama they created is nothing, you are the problem.

They may wait for a time when a disaster strikes in your life and you are vulnerable, then they can support you and show how caring they are.

There is no way to pass this test.

Narcs are pathological liars, they want you to believe their lives, always crazymaking . They will refer to your mental issues, testing to see if you will believe their lies. They may withdraw from communcation-ghosting-leaving you wondering whats going on. Then they will say they want to be in touch, to have a connection and work on the relationship. Leaving you in a state of perpetual madness and confusion. They have no respect for you, they do not see you as a real person.

Narcissists have a sense of abandonment that makes them want to test you, to keep controlling and testing to force you make into abandoning them. If you do abandon them, they will be full of rage!

The ways the testing will stop is that he will kill you, or you will kill yourself. There are more suicides from narcissistic abuse than any other type of abuse.

The other way it will stop is that you leave. You must get out and run fast. Every day is a day you are being subject to a person driving to destroy you.